The Election Season Is Almost Over

Take a deep breath; your Facebook friends will be less annoying and you’ll be able to date across party lines very soon!

The debates (except on MTV), the binders full of memes, autotunes, videos, remixes, and fact checks are over; to that end, don’t ruin Halloween by being a political meme.

Candidates are quickly running around the country in swing stages to drive excitement and voter turnout. It’s very possible nothing newsworthy will happen that will sway the election.

Wonks have been reading tea leaves of candidate posturing for almost two years. What do we absolutely know for sure about the race? More importantly, how can we make it through an evening of mixed political company without offending anyone? 

Aside from playing vapid and talking about music or reality television, try these talking points good enough for the pundit class:

• Things are tied among likely voters, kinda. The decline of land lines and the inability to accurately sample opinions on cell phones have led to more interesting and interactive polls, albeit none reasonably accurate anymore. What’s new this year is that partisan polling companies have popped up out of think tanks to provide talking points for the 24-hour news cycle. Nothing productive will come from this conversation of echo chamber facts; change the subject as soon as possible.
• The soft influence of American popular culture is under attack.
• Judging by the debates, The Drug War and murders in Mexico are not a priority in the portfolio of economic and foreign policy issues despite their proximity. Juarez, Mexico is the murder capital of the world and is 14 minutes away from El Paso, TX. This could be an interesting change in conversation to discuss with folks of mixed political persuasion as it doesn’t affect immigration in the traditional sense, taxed drug sales like alcohol/tobacco (hello, Ron Paul) would bring money into economy, and despite the Fast and Furious scandal, gunwalking has been going on through the Bush administration.
• Also judging by the debates, the Eurozone crisis and daily financial news are not priority despite its direct impact on the American economy.
• Both candidates support drone use overseas, but did you know commercial drones have been approved for use in the U.S. by 2015? Listen to this if you want to understand how that could impact Brad, Angelina, and Jennifer.
• Wedge issues of God, Guns, and Gays are nowhere near as buzzworthy to discuss in the media as Abortion and Rape. 
• Strippers are not as artistic as Ballerinas, in New York State anyways.
• Vivica A. Fox is still AMAZING.

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Politics doesn’t have to be a third rail. We’re seeing the country’s evolving position on LGBT issues through conversation, and we as a culture shouldn’t be limited there. Give these a go and if you’re sensing some blood boiling at anytime, just talk about Honey Boo Boo.

Godspeed DLNQNTs; we’re almost done with important politics for a little while…