How to Quit Your Job Without The Help of The New York Times

The Internets were abuzz yesterday with the news of a banking executive quitting his job with an op-ed in the New York Times. Some called it brave (you know, waiting until he got his million dollar bonus before trashing his company and lying to his clients), others sad, but having worked in publishing as long as we have — it wasn't particularly creative given the rash of public resignations recently.  

[Ed note: also, stop trying to make a meme happen.]

When quitting your job, remember what your mom would've said (if you ever considered her opinion): 

The folks you see on the way up, you definitely see on the way down.  

...and on the street.  

...and at restaurants.  

...and when you're accidentally drunk before happy hour  

...and at future interviews, when you have to crawl back to work with your tail between your legs because your startup idea wasn't so revolutionary after all.  

Make it brief, leave some forwarding info (for both ongoing projects and those Gilt deliveries you forget you ordered), and be completely dull. It's surprising how "viral" a dull letter goes just because you're gone; any other additions are confirmations of pettiness and delusions of self-importance.  

Make the rounds to the people you genuinely enjoyed, give them the email they can find you on Facebook with, and quietly mail your important desk items/thumb drives of proprietary content to your apt so you can go to the bar hands-free.

Although... if you are feeling bold, feel free to copy and paste a favorite goodbye from a previous coworker:

Dear colleagues,

Tomorrow will be my last day at the company. I've decided to take the position of "trophy husband." The decision was easy and took little consideration. This company succeeds daily in turning a bright & talented staff into husky shells of human beings. I can no longer in good conscience work in an environment so polluted with Napoleonic Personalities.

May the smoke from the bridges I burn here today be seen far & wide.

On second thought, don't quit at all. Just wait out a horrible job until you get fired; then you won't have to write a letter at all.

What's your favorite job quitting story?