DLNQNT Vapid Fire: Molly "Equality" Dykeman

Get to know lez poet-security guard Molly “Equality” Dykeman — comic Andrea Alton's alter ego — who celebrates NYC pride in I Can't Even Think Straight. 

1. What turns you on, creatively or otherwise? Molly "Equality" Dykeman: Boobs are always a safe bet and often inspire me creatively and romantically. If you’re funny and like zombie movies, that’s also a turn-on.

2. What’s a good tip for someone who wants to be you for Halloween? MED: Why stop at just Halloween? I’d also recommend being me for Christmas or MLK day.

3. Which celebrity’s hair do you covet most? MED: John Stamos circa Full House. He was workin’ it.

4. What would your death-row last meal be? MED: Pepperoni pizza topped with chicken fingers and nachos.

5. What’s your juiciest vice or guiltiest pleasure? MED: Snow globes.

6. What extravagant purchase should probably make you feel guiltier? MED: I ran off to Spain for two weeks to be with a woman last year. It cost me a ton of money and I didn’t end up with the girl, but it was an exciting adventure.

7. When’s the last time you wanted to slap someone? MED: When I was in Dublin, some drunk guy put his hand on my ass before a show. Instead of slapping him, I made sure he paid the 15 Euros to see the show and then I had the bouncer throw him out when he started acting like a dick. Maybe I should have slapped him, but I needed the money.

8. What most likely made that stain on your outfit? MED: Nacho cheese. It gets me every time.

9. Describe your favorite undergarment. MED: Panties. They can be thongs, bikinis, or granny panties… it makes no difference to me.

10. What’s a lie you’ve told more than once? MED: No, I didn’t take your Percocet.

BONUS: Where do you see yourself in five minutes? MED: I’m leaning towards eating a Hot Pocket or reading a picture book about dinosaurs. I’ll keep you posted.

I Can't Even Think Straight: Molly "Equality" Dykeman's Big Gay Pride Show, runs June 21-23 at the Laurie Beechman Theatre, with special guests Athena Reich, Robin Cloud, Ariel Speedwagon, Lea Robinson, Brad Loekle, and Marie Wallace. Visit SpinCycleNYC.com for tickets.