DLNQNT Vapid Fire: Judy Gold

Get to know Emmy-winning Jewish lesbian comedienne Judy Gold, who has a hot summer P-town residency in and slightly less hot underwear.

1. What turns you on, creatively or otherwise? Judy Gold: Really, really smart people and a great show-stopping ballad.

2. What’s a good tip for someone who wants to be you for Halloween? JG: Stilettos.

3. Which celebrity’s hair do you covet most? JG: Donald Trump. Kidding! Howard Stern.

4. What would your death-row last meal be? JG: My mother’s stuffed cabbage with red cabbage, egg noodles, challah, chopped liver, and a bottle of Opus One cabernet — they don’t call me Jewdy for nothing.

5. What’s your juiciest vice or guiltiest pleasure? JG: Ativan and a glass of red wine.

6. What extravagant purchase should probably make you feel guiltier? JG: Getting my hair dyed at a fancy schmancy boutique on the Upper East Side. I do ride my bike there, though.

7. When’s the last time you wanted to slap someone? JG: The last time I watched Fox News.

8. What most likely made that stain on your outfit? JG: Bad table manners.

9. Describe your favorite undergarment. JG: Jockey French-cut underwear. I know, but I have other sexy qualities.

10. What’s a lie you’ve told more than once? JG: “Of course I remember you!”

BONUS: Where do you see yourself in five minutes? JG: The toilet.

Judy Gold appears at Provincetown’s The Art House, Aug. 4 – Sept. 1. Find Judy on her website.