Get to know sex columnist Jincey Lumpkin, Esq., founder and Chief Sexy Officer of Juicy Pink Box, a lesbian lifestyle brand enticing women to explore fantasies.
1. What turns you on, creatively or otherwise?
Jincey Lumpkin: Today I went to the hair salon, and the shampoo lady was giving me the most divine massage on my neck. She was really pushing her thumbs in hard. It made me think about how much I love it when someone kisses me on the neck or bites me there. It’s like — boom! — instant clitty-hard-on.
2. What’s a good tip for someone who wants to be you for Halloween?
I love bright red lipstick and big hair. And if you want to do a great impression of me, I laugh very loudly and throw my head back in a very unflattering way and clap like a seal. As much as I see myself do that on camera and recoil at my image, I just can’t stop doing it. It’s just one of those ticks, like how Cher moves her hair with one finger.
3. Which celebrity’s hair do you covet most?
Cindy Crawford — when she was in the Pepsi commercial back in the ’90s. So glamorous, such an Amazon bombshell.
4. What would your death-row last meal be?
Honestly, I’d be so upset and nervous that I wouldn’t be able to eat. I’d have a total Woody Allen neurotic moment, pacing around in my jail cell contemplating, “What’s the meaning of it all?”
5. What’s your juiciest vice or guiltiest pleasure?
I love masturbating. I don’t feel guilty about it really, though. Just this weekend I was away with my wife at a hotel. The villa had a hot tub on the patio, and I was sitting there in the fresh air, just enjoying the day. I turned the bubbles on, and I got so super horny that I decided to take off my swimsuit. Well, then I decided to get down to business by myself. Orgasms are such a pleasure, why not indulge as often as possible? So satisfying, and no carbs.
6. What extravagant purchase should probably make you feel guiltier?
I never feel guilty about buying things I love. Life’s too short, bitches!
7. When’s the last time you wanted to slap someone?
When my wife and I were traveling in Mexico with our two chihuahuas, Marilyn Monroe and Sophia Loren, this horrible customs agent didn’t want us to leave the country and kept inventing new paperwork. One form asked for the date, and when we looked up and said, “Hey, what’s today’s date?,” that awful woman said, “I’m not authorized to tell you that.” F*ck you. Seriously, I wanted to fly through the glass and break her face.
8. What most likely made that stain on your outfit?
Could be anything. I’m extremely clumsy, and I drop everything. My mom calls this “the dropsies.”
9. Describe your favorite undergarment.
Agent Provocateur garter belt and silk stockings. When I wear that, I feel totally alive and oozing with sensuality. Every activity is completely transformed and elevated, like I’m living life as a film noir heroine.
10. What’s a lie you’ve told more than once?
“No, those pants look great on you. You don’t look fat at all!”
BONUS: Where do you see yourself in five minutes?
I will either be watching the latest episode of The Walking Dead or obsessively scouring YouTube for new compilations of funny Jennifer Lawrence interviews. God, I love that girl.
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